I like my hatMy dear fellow readers, my name is Christopher Smart. You may call me 'Christ bearer' or 'The Lord's scribe-evangelist', or, as my friends call me, 'Mad Kit the weirdo'.

You have probably not heard of me, they locked me away and wouldn't let me out! Silly people! Silly people!

I used to write beautiful poetry, I won prizes! But then alas, they imprisoned me in a madhouse. But, being the Lord's scribe-evangelist, I composed a wonderous poem, my Magnificat, one 'Jubilate Agno'. It is in the style of the poet David. Not Craig David, the slightly unpopular hat-wearing RnB/pop artist of the late nineties (now apparently making a comeback, to my dismay). Rather it is written in the sublime style of the Biblical David, only in English, because I'm not very good at Hebrew. I get all the declensions wrong.

My favourite part of 'Jubilate Agno' is the bit where I consider my cat Jeoffry. I love Jeoffry, he is the servant of the living God, and he likes being tickled. I have also written a song about him, called Song to Jeoffry.

Here is a picture of Jeoffry:

Hello, I am Jeoffry the cat. Click on me to hear a song written in my honour

Jeoffry was attacked by my neighbour Mrs Sprocket last week. She called him a 'flearidden bag of bones' and tried to make him into soup. But Jeoffry cleverly evaded her by clawing her face. Mrs Sprocket is not one of the Lord's poor, like Jeoffry. Mrs Sprocket smells of wee.

Jeoffry can spraggle upon waggle at the word of command, which is good. Horrid Mr Targon, the prison warden at Bethnal Green madhouse couldn't spraggle - he could only hobble. He was a silly fellow. Silly fellow!

I hope to write some  poetry in the near future, for inclusion in the Times poetry section. In the meantime, why not have a look at my Song to Jeoffry? It is a beautiful song, full of the harmony of the Lord.

yours in the name of Christ, whose heavenly music is better even than that of Dr. Dre,

Kit Smart