1st December 2004: Britney's face replaced by ferret
From smiling virgin princess to weeping drunken whore, the changing faces of Britney Spears have long fascinated both press and public. Now a recent report reveals that not only has Britney swapped her Christian values for smoking and drinking, and chosen to wear a flimsy vest instead of a bra, but she has even gone so far as to replace her face.
Rumours began of Britney's face alterations when photographs appeared in August this year showing scars around her hairline. Britney's people denied the allegations, blaming the scars on "a hectic schedule" and "too many vitamin supplements". Yesterday, however, it was revealed that 3 months ago, tired of the endless pouting and grimacing, Britney Spears employed a ferret to masquerade as her face.
The creature in question is Bobbo, a South European ferret who for the past 10 years has made a living as a celebrity impressionist on the Amsterdam club circuit. Rumour has it Britney first spotted Bobbo performing Gloria Estefan's 'It's raining men' and was so impressed that she decided to employ him to pretend to be her face. Bobbo began his work on August 12th and has managed to fool the press for over 3 months.
Many Britney fans have refused to believe the report, claiming that no ferret, no matter how talented, could mimic Britney's surly expressions and endless crying. However an x-ray of Britney's face taken during a dental examination revealed that there really is a ferret where her face used to be:
The strain of having a ferret lodged at the front of her skull may also have been the cause of Britney's recent behavioural spasms. According to expert brain surgeon Dr P.H. Duncan, Britney's ferret-face is likely to "cause her to act like a mental patient", which goes some way to explain her need to scrawl 'Britney woz ere' on the wall of a petrol station.
Britney, meanwhile, is denying all allegations, and is trying to draw media attention away from the subject by writing a poem about her boobs.
Previous news More news