Happy Neil's French experience

Recently, a man called Mr P. wrote to me asking what I think of French people. I subsequently wrote an article and submitted it for publication on this website, but it was sent back to me: apparently I have to write something 'not so profoundly racist'. Well, Mr P. (which in my original article I suggested  was probably short for 'Penis'), my thoughts on French people are that I hate them all. 

When I was twelve I was forced to go on a French exchange by my idiot French teacher 'Madame Celeste'. I had to stay on a farm with a boy called Gerard Lepin who kept putting pieces of poo in my bed. He didn't even have a computer and the batteries in my Game Boy died after two days, so I had to spend the rest of the week watching Gerard's extensive collection of Gerard Depardieu films, who he was obsessed with because they had the same first name. I hate Gerard Depardieu. He always gets to have sex with young attractive girls in his films, even though he is old and ugly and has a ridiculous hairstyle.

One thing I really hate about French people is that they are always drinking wine and singing stupid songs like 'Frere Jacques' and 'Alouetta'. When I was on the French exchange Gerard's father tried to force me to drink some of his 'vin rouge' and I was sick all over their dog. Instead of cleaning it up Mr Lepin just started singing and throwing wine on the carpet. I hate all French songs, apart from the French national anthem. I think this is quite good, because it is about killing people so many people that blood runs in the furrows of the fields, which is quite like 'Farm Death 2' (the recent Game Boy Advance adaptation).

The only other thing I like about French people is that they burned that stupid Joan of Arc girl. If you are French I hope you fall in the sea and die.

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