Happy Neil deals with stress

A lot of people at Cambridge university talk about 'stress' and 'being under pressure'. They says  things like "Oh, I am so stressed" in a whining whinging voice that makes me want to shoot them in the eye.

I do not believe that 'stress' exists - people only pretend to be 'stressed' because they are lazy and want to have sex instead of working in the library. Anyone who feels 'stressed' is a privileged moron who hasn't realised that life should be a constant struggle and feeling 'happy' is an  anomaly.

When I was eight, I tried to stab my teacher with a sharpened set-square. Unfortunately he didn't die, just suffered minor bruising to the upper thigh. My parents took me to a child psychologist because they thought I might be 'under pressure', but I told them I wasn't 'under pressure' at all, I just wanted to stab that stupid teacher because he told made me answer questions from 'Primary Maths 4' which is for morons and people who do not understand surds. Also, he looked a bit like Nigel Mansell, who I hate.

The other reason that people get 'stressed' at university is because they are far too stupid to be here. Most people at Cambridge have a smaller brain than the mutated donkey-child in level 7 of 'Farm death' for the SNES. If I had my way, I would be the only person at Cambridge university, and would teach myself. There would be no more stupid 'supervisions' only 'SuperNeils', in which I would set myself work and then impress myself with my own cleverness.

 When I rule the universe, all those with an IQ of less than 135 will be made to work at a sewage plant or deported to France.

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