Happy Neil gets busy

This week I have to write about the thing I hate most of all in the world. I hate it even more than I hate my parents. I have been asked to write about 'sex'.

I have never had 'sex', and I never want to, because women are disgusting and smell of 'perfume'. I smell of B.O.  because deodorant is for mortals.

Lots of people have 'sex' when they are at university, because they think it will feel 'nice'. I hope they all catch gonorrhoea and die. When I was sixteen, a girl tried to kiss me, but her lip got caught in my braces and she had to go to hospital for stitches.

Some people use 'condoms' when they have sex, but I hate 'condoms', because the boys at school would always fill them with water and drop them onto me when I was walking up the stairs.

When I rule the world, I will make 'sex' illegal, and then the human race will die out and I will change my name to Mighty Neil, Lord of All.

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