Happy Neil's Christmas spirit
I have been asked to write an article about Christmas, because everyone knows I am the cleverest person in the world. This week I solved an equation that even my supervisor couldn’t solve. But then he is stupid, like all mortals.I hate Christmas. Everyone goes around pretending to be happy and ‘smiling’. Sometimes people try to say “Happy Christmas” to me when I am on the way to my supervision, but I start running so they don’t have a chance to speak to me.
Once, at Christmas, I was bought Pygmy Warriors for the SNES. That was the only Christmas I didn’t hate, because I stayed in my room playing Pygmy warriors and didn’t have to speak to any of my stupid relatives. My granny’s friend is the stupidest woman I have ever met. She makes ‘cakes’ and asks questions like “So, how are you dear?” I hate her. If I had a poisoned Red Bonsai Warrior sword, I would slice her into a thousand pieces.
I also hate Christmas because people mock me even more than usual. Because I am a Red Bonsai Warrior, I only ever wear red tracksuits from Marks and Spencer. They are all the same, because I hate ‘variety’. When I go outside at Christmas, boys point and shout “Look, it’s Acne Santa!” I hate those boys, with their ‘cool’ clothes and ‘gelled’ hair and ‘muscles’.
I hope all of you who like Christmas die and don’t have any ‘fun’ at all. Goodbye.