Dear Elle,
7th Nov 2002
I need help
with a problem that is threatening to tear down our household. Some of my friends say that
Asterix is a midget and a racist psychopath, with a dire need to be shaved and locked up.
Others say he is a defender of the free world against the mighty evil empire, and the last
true hope of the human race. I suspect that they might be biased, as they all have long
moustaches and drinking problems, but they draw parallels with Churchill and Luke
Skywalker. It is all too confusing, and I fear for my sanity. Who is right? Please help.
Your wisdom is our last chance!
Yours,
Dear Tim,
I
don’t really know much about Asterix, as I prefer stories like
The Jungle Book. I have it on tape. I like to dance when the monkey goes
“Ooh ooh ooh, I wanna be like you ooh ooh”. I am not really sure what a racist
psychopath is, either. Is it like being a Tellytubby? I don’t like the Tellytubbies
very much, they are too fat. If Asterix is a bit like a Tellytubby then I think he is not
very good and he should learn to speak properly.
I think
all your friends must be very nice. My daddy sometimes has a moustache and he likes to
drink lots of beer. Sometimes he tries to get me to drink some of the beer, but I
don’t like it. I think orange juice is much nicer. I like my daddy. If Asterix is
like my daddy then he must be very good. My daddy likes music by the Backseat Boys. He
sings along when he plays their songs. I don’t like the Backseat Boys, I think their
songs are rubbish.
I don’t really understand how Asterix can be like that funny dog on the television who says “Oh yes!” I like that dog. Who is Luke Skywalker? He has a silly name. There is a boy at my crèche called Luke who always has nits.
Love Elle xxx