Dear Elle,
You have to help me. I have recently started work in an office and it is awful! No one speaks to each other except to talk about printer cartridges or photocopying, and I have nothing to do but file bits of paper and look at the Inland Revenue website (all other websites are blocked by the office server). It is so boring and depressing and I can feel my soul ebbing way with every second that slides by. I can’t leave because I need the money, but I fear that if I stay here I will die of boredom.
yours in desperation
Sally
Dear Sally,
I am not really sure what the Inland Revenue is. Is it a sort of monster, like the fat purple monster in Disney’s The Little Mermaid? I don’t like that monster because it turns all the mermaids into little shrivelly things that look a bit like the pickled gherkins my daddy likes to eat. I don’t like those pickled gherkins, they taste nasty.
I think it is mean of the office server to block all the websites. Is it because the office server is very fat and blocks the screen so you can’t see? One of the ladies who serves dinner in the canteen at my new school is very fat, I think it is because she eats all the chips. Can’t you tell the server to get out of the way? I thought a server was supposed to do what you want, like the servers in Mary Poppins who work for Mr and Mrs Banks and wear funny frilly hats.
If no one in your office speaks to you, maybe you should poke them in the leg. That is what I do when someone won’t speak to me. If they still won’t talk to me after that, then I say something like “Oi you”, or I do something naughty like breaking their glasses or weeing in their shoe.
I don’t know what ebbing is. Is it a bit like running? I like running, I am very good at it. Why is your soul ebbing away? Is is because it wants to go somewhere else like swimming or a party? Maybe you should take your soul swimming, but if it is small then it must wear armbands to help it stay on the top of the water. I can swim without armbands, but I don’t think your soul will be as good at swimming as me, because no one is.
I think if you are bored you should watch a nice film like Sleeping Beauty. In that film the mean fairy wants Sleeping Beauty to die but she doesn’t die and it’s ok. If you don’t have the Sleeping Beauty video you can come to my house and watch it with me.
Love Elle x