Dear Elle,

After rather over-indulging at Christmas and New year, I stepped on the scales this morning and was horrified to discover that I am 2 stone overweight! I am desperate to lose this weight as I am a bridesmaid at my cousin's wedding in March which I want to look my best for, as I don't want everyone to think of me as the fat dowdy bridesmaid who can't get a man for love nor money (although it's true, I can't seem to get one who has either!) If you have any advice as to how to lose weight fast, I would be most grateful.  

yours

Sarah Dumpling

 

Dear Sarah,

My mummy is a Nairobics teacher at the big gym where I go to Scalliwags crèche, and sometimes I see really fat ladies like you in my mummy's Nairobics class. They jump up and down a lot and go all red, they look very silly but I think they do it because when you jump around and sweat, people notice how silly you look instead of noticing how fat you are. Maybe you could try jumping around or pulling a really funny face all the time, and then people will be too busy laughing at you to notice how fat you are.

I don't really understand much about why some people are fat and some people aren't. My daddy has a fat tummy and my mummy says it's because he drinks lots of beer, so I think you should stop drinking beer and drink nice things like Ribena and orange juice.

On the television yesterday I heard a man talking about the Katkins diet. I don't know what the Katkins diet is, but I think the man said it was very bad and would make you die. I think maybe it makes you poorly because you are only allowed to eat Katkins, which is a kind of cat food, and people aren't supposed to eat cat food. Last week I tried to eat some of George the dog's dog food, I thought it would be nice because George the dog eats it all the time, but it wasn't very nice at all.

I hope you have a nice time at the wedding and you don't look too silly in your bridesmaid dress. I went to a wedding once and it was very boring.

love Elle xxx

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